I'm wide awake with absolutely no intention of going to sleep right now...
You'd think that five days away from home wouldn't be so bad, but with the thought of being moved away from home sprinkled on top of those five days sure isn't motivating, nor is the idea of going months until you see someone that you absolutely adore.
I'm having a hard time going to sleep at the risk of dreaming of my loved ones, cause I just don't want to cry anymore! I'm so tired of crying and being scared because it does absolutely nothing for me or the situation. I just can't help but feel so lonely here...I have no one to cry to, or to hug. I survived at home with at least 2 hugs a day. I made sure of it, and it's been 5 days since I've had a hug...sad thing to notice actually...
I hate spilling this all here but it kind of feels good to just vent it out and go to sleep, that sounds like a good idea...writing is good, writing is great...
I'm so excited for Church tomorrow...LDS people who know what I'm going through, but still, they aren't my Jayson or my Kiersten or my Shalese or my anyone...they're just people that I already know I'm going to have to work just as hard to get close to. Why work towards a friend when you have perfectly good ones already?...Oh yeah. They're not here and won't be for a long time.
Ugh I hate this! I feel so anti-everything. Maybe it's the humidity. Maybe it's the fact I have my favorite song playing on repeat and every lyric reminds me of home. I don't know, maybe I'm just going crazy in this basement watching the Discovery Channel like it's my only friend. Haha.
I need to go to bed and just get over it all, it's not hard to to make friends or let go of friends. (Not that I have ANY intention of letting any of you go...and if you try you better believe that's going to fail. HA!)
There I feel a little better. Hard nights are always gonna be around, but at least I have this stupid blog to yell at.
STUPID BLOG! You don't even talk!!!
4:05 a.m....
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